Dear blogger,
idk what the fuck to do. for the past month the only ONLY person that has been on my mind is devin or devon idk how he spells his name but omg i can't stop thinking about him. i havn't crushed this hard over a guy since..since like greg. hes not even that great. idk that much about him. all i kno is he lived in texas and canada, he skate boards, likes rap music and he tripps. i hate it, i'm the biggest tease. i'll flirt with a guy like mucho grande but just when i know hes about to ask my out i shoot him down. but with devin i didn't really flirt. like he would flirt with me and at first i didn't like him so i wouldn't really pay any attention to it. but instead of flirting back when i started to like him, i just well stopped. idk y its always awkward with him. surprisingly i don't get butterflys but the second it gets awkward i turn to a comfortable person and usually its mesh or joe in 6th and annrette in 7th. idk y but this point just randomly poped in my head: I HATE HIS BUBBLE BUTT!!!..k i'm done. so i was trying to think in the shower (yes, its a good place no think, nobody bothers you when your in the shower) when we first started talking. all i know is that we first started talking in 6th hour w/ a group of ppl then i guess it kinda carried on into 7th hour. but while i was in the process of remembering that i thought of the first time he kinda acknowlegded me. it was when we were playing kick ball in 7th hour on the block day that i first like really started talking to chris-toe-phor. he had his shirt tucked in and it was bothering me so when we were switching sides, i was like tuck in your shirt or something like that, i think i might have tugged on it a little idk. but either before that or after that, he walked by me and would just like collapse in my arms giving me a hug. i remember because i hate the way he hugs because he like bends down and puts his head on my shoulder and its really annoying because it makes me feel motherly. seriously, he may not me that much taller that me but i like taller guys, hug me like a taller guy would, don't put ur head on my shoulder (when we're hugging). after a while he sat down and didn't really play and i caught him looking at me a few times. thank god i didn't like him then because i would have been so self conscious. but then,like always, as soon as frugee blew the whistle to go in he was gone w/o a word. omg then i remember that block day where he kept like caught me talking about him. it was after 4th hour and i was walking with jason towards the 2nd building and annrette leaned over the railing on the 2nd floor and was like "MARTINA!!" then i looked over before i looked up and saw devin. then she called me again and i looked and was like mouthing "devin" and pointing at him like an idiot (in the middle of the courtyard btw) and jason was like "he's totally watching you" and i was like gurreeatt! that was the day that tom was being bitchy and went through my pants (thnk god i was wearing the "jeans") so i went to the br then went to garmans like 2mins late and when i got there devin was sitting on his desk w/ his feet on the chair facing my area but i wasn't there yet. so when i walked in i wasn't really thinking about him i was thinking about tom going through my pants so i ran to mesh and pulled her away from joe (not dramtically, i was very quiet about it) so we were talking like secrative and i felt him staring at me so i glanced over at devin and he was just sittin there chillin looking at me. by then we were on to another subject and idk something mesh said made me smile so it went in this order: i felt him, looked over, saw him staring, looked at mesh and smiled. so yehh he prob thought we were talking about him. that was the day we first started watching the shining. so after we sat down before garman started talking, he was still sitting there on his desk just looking at me while i was talking. i glanced over once or twice or maybe 3 times but didn't really lock eyes for more than a mila second. i was surprised though because usually when a girl catches a guy looking at them they look away but he didn't, he just kept his eyes glued to me. he looked like he was contemplating something. anywho, after garman started talking and told us we were watching the shining (and he stayed ontop of his desk through that whole "intro" btw) he just grabbed his stuff and scooted a desk next to mine. he was doodling on my answer paper and at first he wrote i (heart)devin and his last name but then he scribbled it out and drew some weird picture of some lady like neck down boobs and all and her face was a cock and he drew a pot leaf and a joint. we said a few things but like always i turned to mesh because she was a familar person. after that he fell asleep on top of my binder. i did get his jacket though but i didn't remember tom until i was sitting on his jacket then i was like oh shit because it was his white one..but it was all good. before that, when i saw him in the halls, he would hug me but lately he hasn't done that (lately as in b4 school ended). i just have this really big feeling that i missed my chance to be with him. like he gave me a million and one open doors and i think i gave him like 2hundred. its like a 8:10 ratio...the last week or really monday and tuesday, in 7th hour, jessica was getting in the way. not really because he would actaully go to her. i like jessica don't get me wrong but i hated the fact that he was going to her instead of me. even though he had every reason to because i barely showed i liked him but i just wanted him to come to me. wow i am pathetic, i sound like a elementary kid. speaking of sounding like a kid, i think he was a little shocked that i like the jonas brothers and i have the naked brothers band in my ipod lol then when i "couldn't remember how to spell robert pattinsons last name" i went on garmans computer to look it up because devin was on it as usual so anywho once i pulled up the twilight sight he was like "ah man don't tell me you like that too?" i just laughed and said "yup".
