..i just can't get him off my mind :(
i've repeated "i'm over it" about five times today. i didn't lie about it, i was over him...for about 5minutes. today i rode his bus and he totally flirted w/ some chick nadine or sum shit like that and i was like w/e like it didn't bother me..at all. i don't mean to sound like a cocky son of a bitch but i was damn proud of myself. then BAM! it hit me smack dab i the face...that stupid little green eyed monster thats been following me for the past 3months. before i knew it, i was lookin up nadine on myspace not knowing exactly what i was in search of but so far into it that i couldn't stop. i hate devin. like w/ a passion. he has me on this sick rollercoaster. i'm sry but he's one cocky son of a bitch. he knows what hes doing. he knows how to make me say yes to something or how to make me change how i feel about him. i don't get it...i havn't thought about him as much as i've thought about him in the past 8hours in like weeks. the day i think i'm finally over the jerk, is the day i have the biggest devin fest in my head. ITS ONLY FRIDAY NIGHT!!! its goint to be a really long weekend :(
March 13, 2009
January 10, 2009
lime green martinis
Dear blogger,
wow so a lots happend this week. there is one thing that i have learned though. i can't look directly into devins eyes when i'm talking, i'll lose my train of thought lol.
wow so a lots happend this week. there is one thing that i have learned though. i can't look directly into devins eyes when i'm talking, i'll lose my train of thought lol.
January 1, 2009
seven pounds
Dear Blogger,
i just returned from seeing the movie seven pounds w/ my grandparents and my sister. it was ok i guess, the beginning was really slow but overall it was ok. i don't know why but during the movie i started thinking of what i would do if i recieved $500 from aunt betty and uncle bryan. it was completly random and before i knew it was thinking of stores i would go to and how much i would spend in each store. then when i kinda "regained consciousness", will smith was kissing rosario whatever whatever and i thought of devin. mainly because rosario is the same color as i am and even though will smith is darker than devin, his head is shaped similarily to devins. so i was thinking "is that what we're going to look like when we're kissing" then i imagined it from the outside looking in and it was nice. then i remembered when joe telling me on the phone that mesh was like his little elementary crush and all he wanted to do was be with her all the time. as much as it seems like it, devins not my elementary crush. i wan't to be WITH him but not with him all the time. i don't think i would be able to see him as much as joe sees mesh. yea i like him....ALOT! but being with him all the time..idk. maybe its a accquired thing. maybe i don't want to be with him all the time right now because i don't know him. i'm still a little nervous about school. if nothing happens between us, i don't know what i would do. i will get over it but my biggest fear is setting myself up for disappointment. what if i was his elementary crush. what if all he wanted to do was be with me. what if he got over me and i'm too late. i would accept it for what it is..eventually but i can't help but wonder about the what if. all this time i spent obssessing over him and making sure i looked decent everywhere i went just incase i ran into him would be for nothing. i wouldn't be mad at him though because i know if he is over me, the fault would be mine. i didn't really show that i liked him that much. idk...all i know is if i don't see him this weekend like mel said, its going to be the longest four days of my life.
i just returned from seeing the movie seven pounds w/ my grandparents and my sister. it was ok i guess, the beginning was really slow but overall it was ok. i don't know why but during the movie i started thinking of what i would do if i recieved $500 from aunt betty and uncle bryan. it was completly random and before i knew it was thinking of stores i would go to and how much i would spend in each store. then when i kinda "regained consciousness", will smith was kissing rosario whatever whatever and i thought of devin. mainly because rosario is the same color as i am and even though will smith is darker than devin, his head is shaped similarily to devins. so i was thinking "is that what we're going to look like when we're kissing" then i imagined it from the outside looking in and it was nice. then i remembered when joe telling me on the phone that mesh was like his little elementary crush and all he wanted to do was be with her all the time. as much as it seems like it, devins not my elementary crush. i wan't to be WITH him but not with him all the time. i don't think i would be able to see him as much as joe sees mesh. yea i like him....ALOT! but being with him all the time..idk. maybe its a accquired thing. maybe i don't want to be with him all the time right now because i don't know him. i'm still a little nervous about school. if nothing happens between us, i don't know what i would do. i will get over it but my biggest fear is setting myself up for disappointment. what if i was his elementary crush. what if all he wanted to do was be with me. what if he got over me and i'm too late. i would accept it for what it is..eventually but i can't help but wonder about the what if. all this time i spent obssessing over him and making sure i looked decent everywhere i went just incase i ran into him would be for nothing. i wouldn't be mad at him though because i know if he is over me, the fault would be mine. i didn't really show that i liked him that much. idk...all i know is if i don't see him this weekend like mel said, its going to be the longest four days of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)