Dear blogger,
wow so a lots happend this week. there is one thing that i have learned though. i can't look directly into devins eyes when i'm talking, i'll lose my train of thought lol.
January 10, 2009
January 1, 2009
seven pounds
Dear Blogger,
i just returned from seeing the movie seven pounds w/ my grandparents and my sister. it was ok i guess, the beginning was really slow but overall it was ok. i don't know why but during the movie i started thinking of what i would do if i recieved $500 from aunt betty and uncle bryan. it was completly random and before i knew it was thinking of stores i would go to and how much i would spend in each store. then when i kinda "regained consciousness", will smith was kissing rosario whatever whatever and i thought of devin. mainly because rosario is the same color as i am and even though will smith is darker than devin, his head is shaped similarily to devins. so i was thinking "is that what we're going to look like when we're kissing" then i imagined it from the outside looking in and it was nice. then i remembered when joe telling me on the phone that mesh was like his little elementary crush and all he wanted to do was be with her all the time. as much as it seems like it, devins not my elementary crush. i wan't to be WITH him but not with him all the time. i don't think i would be able to see him as much as joe sees mesh. yea i like him....ALOT! but being with him all the time..idk. maybe its a accquired thing. maybe i don't want to be with him all the time right now because i don't know him. i'm still a little nervous about school. if nothing happens between us, i don't know what i would do. i will get over it but my biggest fear is setting myself up for disappointment. what if i was his elementary crush. what if all he wanted to do was be with me. what if he got over me and i'm too late. i would accept it for what it is..eventually but i can't help but wonder about the what if. all this time i spent obssessing over him and making sure i looked decent everywhere i went just incase i ran into him would be for nothing. i wouldn't be mad at him though because i know if he is over me, the fault would be mine. i didn't really show that i liked him that much. idk...all i know is if i don't see him this weekend like mel said, its going to be the longest four days of my life.
i just returned from seeing the movie seven pounds w/ my grandparents and my sister. it was ok i guess, the beginning was really slow but overall it was ok. i don't know why but during the movie i started thinking of what i would do if i recieved $500 from aunt betty and uncle bryan. it was completly random and before i knew it was thinking of stores i would go to and how much i would spend in each store. then when i kinda "regained consciousness", will smith was kissing rosario whatever whatever and i thought of devin. mainly because rosario is the same color as i am and even though will smith is darker than devin, his head is shaped similarily to devins. so i was thinking "is that what we're going to look like when we're kissing" then i imagined it from the outside looking in and it was nice. then i remembered when joe telling me on the phone that mesh was like his little elementary crush and all he wanted to do was be with her all the time. as much as it seems like it, devins not my elementary crush. i wan't to be WITH him but not with him all the time. i don't think i would be able to see him as much as joe sees mesh. yea i like him....ALOT! but being with him all the time..idk. maybe its a accquired thing. maybe i don't want to be with him all the time right now because i don't know him. i'm still a little nervous about school. if nothing happens between us, i don't know what i would do. i will get over it but my biggest fear is setting myself up for disappointment. what if i was his elementary crush. what if all he wanted to do was be with me. what if he got over me and i'm too late. i would accept it for what it is..eventually but i can't help but wonder about the what if. all this time i spent obssessing over him and making sure i looked decent everywhere i went just incase i ran into him would be for nothing. i wouldn't be mad at him though because i know if he is over me, the fault would be mine. i didn't really show that i liked him that much. idk...all i know is if i don't see him this weekend like mel said, its going to be the longest four days of my life.
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